For the next hour and 16 minutes, I was a doula in a way I had never been before. I was holding a leg up, I was gripping a hand and finding half moon indentations in my palm. I was steadying myself with muscles I didn’t know I had, muscles that would be gloriously sore in the coming days. I was sweating and holding my breath and crying out. I was physical. I was deeply utilized and my heart was full to the brim.